Mission Impossible.....Or so it seems

Don't get used to this. I'm telling you now, I don't write everyday. I plan to keep writing often but right now I haven't been to work in two days so I have the time and I have a lot on my mind.

The mission that I have chosen to accept is to have a baby. I started on this mission or this mission started on me May 2006. I found out the hard way that I was pregnant. What is the hard way you ask? Getting dreadfully sick in public. My sister was hosting a happy hour at a local club and I went to show support. I didn't want to go because I was oh so tired, but I went anyway. I ate some food had a drink and a glass of champagne that I never finished. My head started to hurt, I was nauseous, I was throwing up. i called my boyfriend to tell him he had to get me. Security has me sitting on the side threatening to call the ambulance on my drunk ass. In between throwing up in the trash can I keep saying I'M NOT DRUNK! Of course now security is treating me like an angry drunk. My boyfriend comes a little while later and he too asks are you drunk? I ignore him, and my sister is going to walk with me out to the car. So we link arms and proceed down the steps where she starts to stumble down the steps and I have to catch her, so who's the drunk now?

When we get home, I go to sleep wake up and think I may be pregnant. I'm a...let me rephrase, I was a party girl. I can handle my alcohol. Two drinks and half a flute of champagne is nothing to me, and I ate food!! And even though I did see my Aunt Flo the week before, things were kinda shaky in my relationship and if I could choose, I would have chosen to not be pregnant at that moment. But since I know my luck or lack there of I took a pregnancy test and of course it was positive.

I told them I wasn't drunk. My baby just didn't like alcohol. Turns out he didn't like water, milk, soda, rice, spaghetti, potatoes, beef, chicken, or food for that matter. He liked ice though. Crushed ice to be exact. The difference between that and water, I plan to ask him one day. But in any case five months later I lost him. It was tough very hard to deal with cause he was number three lost and the longest that I carried one so everyone was waiting for his arrival.

Since that point, I waited for a while and decided that I wanted to try again. Now this was a big deal for me cause I have always gotten pregnant. I had never tried to as in sit down let me talk to you I want to have a baby do you want to have one with me too? So that's what we did and I guess we jinxed it cause here I am many many months later, not pregnant.

I found a Maternal/Fetal specialist a doctor that specializes in fetus and mother. When I was last pregnant I was either in the doctor's office or emergency room every three days. Funny how when your pregnant they will treat your unborn child but not the mother to be. I'm not a doctor. I'm an accountant/politician by trade, but in my mind, if mom-to-be is not healthy it's only a matter of time before baby-to-be becomes just as sickly as mommy. I proved that crazy theory to them but of course it was their lesson, my expense.

Anyway, back to preparation. Oh, I just had unprotected sex. You know the kind that everyone tells you will either get you knocked-up or an STD. Well, I got neither. While i am happy about not getting an STD, I figured I should be pregnant by now. If not from all of the gratuitous sex with my partner, at least from the countless people that have had an up close and personal look at my crotch. You would be surprised how many people can examine you to try to figure out why you are not getting pregnant. they ask all your personal business as my niece says, your partner's personal business, your family's personal business, then you lie down and they look in your personal business. After that you are sent home to try. If you don't succeed? Try, try again. If you don't succeed? Back to your personal business this time they put a tube with dye up in your business and take x-rays and ask your man to put some of his business in a cup. Do you know how much it costs for some one to look at sperm? I do. Even trickier question. Do you know how much it costs for some one to look at sperm and wash it? Did you know that sperm could be washed? And I'm not talking about off your thigh.

So now I'm back to trying and it's frustrating. That's why I was crying yesterday cause my period came, again. Now, in addition to trying, I'm supposed to relax and not try so hard. But how do you not try so hard when in order to complete this mission you have to try. and you have to try during specific times of the month. Suppose you and your special someone aren't really seeing eye to eye during this specific time?

All this to say.........I've had so much sex this year everyone who has read this should be pregnant.